Rather than trying to summarize in paragraph form where I’ve been the last few months, I’m going to simply write random points about now.
My life as of late
I’m reading a book about shame by Devon Price. It’s really teaching me about the United States and puritanism and my own roots in Christianity steeped in shame.
I’m re-reading Bethany Webster’s book about being a mother to myself. It hurts.
I’m crying a lot
I’m going through peri-menopause and wake up depressed a lot more than I used to.
I’m starting another new business. I’ve stopped counting the number of emails I have.
I took a new design job which means my time is split up even more.
I’m a taxi mom now with my teens in an alternative, project-based high-school after four years of self-directed life at home. It’s exciting to see them fill up a new pot of self.
I’m exhausted and in pain everyday and take a lot of pain killers. How many of us are drugged?
I’m co-fascilitating a “me and white supremacy” accountability group online which has been good but also frustrating.
I’m writing a lot about my childhood.
I’m not painting or even drawing much. Just snippets from my memories.
I’m using a lot of my brain to organize things and make shit happen which doesn’t go well for ADHD so I give myself breaks by going on many tangents, enjoying moments of photo-op sunlight, taking trips to the country without a plan.
I’m sad about the world and longing for a mass uprising.
“I” grew a massive 30lb pumpkin without knowing it existed till September!
I recorded a beautiful monologue about home, time and pathways with stories about spiders. It’s really beautiful. Will I get it out to the world? I hope.
We had a wind storm this weekend and all the red leaves from my nut tree were tossed. Wind makes me dysregulated. As does bad coffee which I had a lot of this week.
Fall is my favourite season.
I wrote about Kate Bush for Substack and I’m not sure anyone will read it so I haven’t published it yet.
I love geese, ducks, birds in general. But I’m not old enough to go bird watching. Unless my inner Grandma is saying 45 is the new 85. I heard a very rare brown mallard showed up in Ontario and people flocked to see them.
The Indigenous nations in Manitoba are working towards legalizing Lake Winnipeg as a person.
At home we talk about drugs, over-dose, poverty, systems of oppression everyday in our house. It’s the air we breathe.
We watch a lot of comedy for relief.
We went to an art at night festival with thirty-thousand other people. Didn’t know that many folks love art. Or do they just love to walk around with a beer and take selfies? Art is used by the powerful to make money.
Signing off. I’ll likely publish the Kate Bush piece and the spider reflections soon! I really hope things settle back to the pace I can function well.
Peace.
Sending love Maria.